The time is coming......

PEOPLE OF THE INTERNET!



For quite some time now, I have observed your memes, cat videos, pranks, and games. It is now high time I retake my place in this computerized microcosm and elevate it to new levels. I, The ComputerKing. Formerly known as the Supervillain of Podcasting, will usher in a new Era of Internet Evil, with a debut stream that will serve to secure my Ascension to the position of Supervillain of Streaming! This 8-hour event will take place on December 7th, 2017 from 3:59 pm EST to 11:59pm.

And because The ComputerKing does nothing small, I will be streaming on not one, not two, but three streaming sites. You will be able to locate the stream at:

Mixer - https://mixer.com/ComputerKing

Twitch - https://www.twitch.tv/thecomputerking

YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/user/computerking





Be there, Or Beware...

The crimes, they are a-changing...

"Yes, ComputerKing," I hear you think, "you're pivoting. But what are you pivoting to?"

A simple question, with a simple answer. Gamification was a trend that had people trying to turn everything into a game. Work, self-improvement, groceries, people tried to make a game out of all of that and more. I could follow the trend, sheep my way into the herd, but that's not the Supervillain way. What I am going to do is the opposite: I'm going to take fun games and purposefully turn them into work.

I'm going to become the Supervillain of Streaming. A pivot that has the bonuses of claiming a new title, and exposing the gaming world to The ComputerKing! It appeals to my narcissism and allows me to play computer games. Excellent!

Keep alert to learn where and when you will be able to find me invading the world of streaming, faithful reader. Soon my evil will be spreading even further.

They won't know what hit them...

Doomsday devices

When planning a doomsday device, you need to balance cost, power, utility, and a few other factors. The whole process is taxing, mentally, but ultimately worth it. I recently went to the trouble of researching, pricing and purchasing a new "Big One", which I currently wait impatiently for. But I don't rage and curse every delay, I simply make more preparations with my extra time.
Or at least I DID make preparations. Now I sit, in a hospital, again, cut off from my usual tools and productivity devices, in danger of missing the delivery of my Doomsday Device. It's not like they're going to leave something so dangerous on a doorstep. That's where trusted henchmen come in.
Not those nameless minions so plentiful in number that it's not possible to tell them apart without a database of distinguishing features. One of them would drop it , accidentally trigger it, or screw up the settings before I get a chance to look at the Manual.
No, True henchmen have names, memorable personalities, and truly appreciate and believe in your vision, and in extension, believe in you. I am fortunate enough to have a few loyal henchmen who I'm sure will be able to secure the device without incident. For them I am grateful, and they will be amply rewarded.

It's very good for a villain to have trusted aids, treat your best henchmen well, and they will not fail you.

It's Time to Get ill!

Yeah, I'm sick again. Writing this from my hospital room, actually. After my greatest triumph of the year (securing a new base of operations and getting my tools of destruction moved) My opportunistic body chose the perfect time to strike, debilitating me in the midst of the unpack phase. Even my bodily functions are villainous; it makes me proud.
I spent my first entire day in deep concentration. The only thing I allowed into my mind was my next breath. This was not strictly necessary, but foregoing breath control might have resulted in foregoing breathing control, and that's not the type of cyborg I'm willing to become right now. So I exerted my will on my       oxygen levels, and kept them at viable levels With The Power Of My Mind! Another red letter moment.
So even in near defeat I snatch my own victories. Because I make my own win conditions. And when I can do that,  as the rapper DJ Khaled says, "All I do is Win."

Getting used to disappointment

By now you're anticipating a lovely story about an independent film with an interesting title. Well you're not going to get that, so get used to being disappointed. Disappointment happens when things are pulled out from under you, like rugs. Because in the supervillain game that's what happens. You lose. A lot. Unfortunately for me the reason I do not have the story is not simply because I was always planning to teach you a lesson in disappointment, but because I'm currently battling the menace known as a toothache. This horror can happen anytime to anyone of us. It robs one of sleep, it makes eating a chore instead of a pleasure, and it is distracting to the point that it prevents one from thinking clearly. Which takes away three of the villainous enjoyments that I have. All three of my top ones by the way. I will have to explain villainous enjoyments in a later post, but for now enjoy your disappointment.

Break it down(No, Henchman 53, not the door).

After a week of deliberation and contemplation, I have decided on a list of "must have" musical pieces for inspiring supervillainy. Your tastes may vary, but unless you have some deep-seated hatred for the following songs or their artists, you should incorporate these dittys (ditties? diddies? Blast it, Songs) into your personal villainy music playlist ASAP. Before the complaining begins,  I will give you some parameters I set for this list, to keep it from becoming absolutely cliche and stereotypical. First, No cartoons. If it's Animated, It's off the list. I know that takes a way a LOT of songs from the Secretly evil corporation Disney, but it prevents someone from using the Momentum-Stopping phrase, "But that's a kid's cartoon song." Second, No Bond. Sorry, I know most Bond theme songs are about their villains, but I'm steering away from the cliche, remember? Third, Lyrics. I prefer my list to have songs with words, or at least words I can understand. Yes, this is personal to me, but this is my list, isn't it? Even if the lyrics of something from a man who stylizes himself after Doctor Doom are awesome, it doesn't count if I can't understand them.  Now that you know my criteria, here is my list. They are in no particular order, aside from saving my 2 surprise songs for the end.

OOkla the Mok is an interesting band, and they most recently published an album titled, "Vs Evil" chock full of songs about supervillains from comic books, and a couple about supervillainy in general. I picked 3 of the songs from this album that spoke to me deeply, but I recommend you listen to them all at least once. My picks are "Evil I," about being a Supervillain, "Mwahaha," about choosing the right tagline or phrase for your current villainy, and "Suprema Lex," wherein an incarcerated villain tells his nemesis about his ultimate plan. All these are good songs, but I place "Suprema Lex" at the top of these, for sheer deep-seated hatred underneath the music.

Next I choose "Villain Song" by Kirby Krackle, about a villain losing his motivation, retiring, then regaining his evil drive and getting back in the game.

Some songs let their titles say it all. Schaffer the Darklord does so in his song, "Supervillain". This song celebrates all things supervillainy and tells a tale of Villain vs Hero at the same time. As the song says, "Root for the bad guys."

Similarly, A band named Powerman 5000 made a song titled "Super Villain" about living the Supervillain life. A must for those that like hard rock/metal. If Rob Zombie can't make a Villain song, at least his little brother (Band front man Spider One) can. They have a kick-ass video for the song, too.

You can't have a decent conversation about villainy in music form without mentioning Doctor  Horrible's Sing-along Blog, The delightful supervillain musical by Joss Whedon. My choice for a song from this film is  "Slipping," Wherein the titular protagonist villain (not an oxymoron) finally gets his chance to shine.

Queen has so many good songs it's hard to count them all, however the Kurgan's theme song, "Gimme the Prize" dances at the top of their Album "It's a kind of Magic," The soundtrack from Highlander, as a specially villainous song. Clancy Brown's growling voice saying the Kurgan's lines doesn't hurt, either.

I had never heard of Bree Sharp before 2009, when I ran across her song "The Cheap and Evil Girl" for the first time, 10 years after she released the album it's on. Ladies, this song has "Femme Fatale" written all over it. And it's got a god beat that you can fight to.

And finally, my two surprise entries. These songs Say "Supervillain" in more subtle ways than the other songs, and you have to listen to the lyrics a few times to fully grasp the deep evil inside them.

The first is "Alpha Dog" by Fall Out Boy. Initially I heard it as a simple song about the Hollywood life, the overbearing smugness of today's stars. Upon several listenings, I found a rich underlying evil in the song. I find that this song would just as easily be about a group of Supervillains plotting and counter-plotting in their lair. Intentional or not, it made me feel like an Alpha Dog (And Omega-lo Maniac)...

The second song may require you to disconnect your feelings about the origin of the song, and concentrate on the lyrics. Some may think me insane for suggesting that Irene Cara's song "Fame" from the movie (and TV show) of the same name belongs on a supervillain playlist, but I absolutely believe so. Yes, the movie was a happy, fun romp through the School of the Performing Arts. Yes, the movie had a scene of people dancing in the streets to this song. Yes, the song is basically a Disco Pop hit from an ancient time. But I present to you the lyrical evidence:
"I'm gonna live forever, I'm gonna learn how to fly."
"I feel it coming together, People will see me and cry."
"too much is not enough"

"I'll grab your heart till it breaks"

These are lyrics of this song! Can you not see the villainy? The evil? This is by far the most camouflaged supervillain song I have come across. 

So there you have it. My Must list. listen to them. Learn to love them. They can inspire you to great heights of supervillainy.

Next week I will review an independent film with a good, evil premise, and an even better title...

Music hath charms...

...to soothe the savage breast. And I'm feeling very savage after a week of envisioning every person as a threat.

It can be a bit of a morale booster when you decide you've figured out how to take down each and every enemy, however is disheartening to know that you can destroy a very elderly person easily. It makes one very sad for them. As a caveat, you should most likely envision yourself fighting with no actual weapons. It becomes a bit easy to beat someone if you have a lead pipe or a gun. Too easy. But the visceral nature of envisioning yourself pounding someone directly in their weak spots is endorphin raising. So now I must focus on lowering my adrenaline levels, and what better way then by contemplating the beauty of music.

I'm in the process of developing my supervillain playlist on Google Play Music. I have a placeholder right now with all the obvious and stereotypical villain songs, along with other more subtle entries, and a few surprises. I'm boiling it down to a solid core of inspirational melodies, which I shall reveal to you next week.

Although there may be a bit of explaining, I believe it will prove to be a must have song list for any budding supervillain...

Where to begin

The first problem one needs to tackle is always literally the first problem. What do first when starting a new endeavor is often the largest stumbling block, especially when re-inventing oneself.
I have began my own journey within the labyrinthine catacombs of my own mind. Changing the way one thinks is one of the toughest trials a person can go through, without risk of injury. I have thought like a "mere mortal" for far too long, and need to reassess my options and attitude with a more evil eye(see what I did there?).
So I decided to start off with how I see other people. The standard thought passing through the mind when seeing a person for the first time is usually simple, benign, and boring. However, if you look over each person and try to figure out what tactics you would have to use to defeat then in a fight if you had to, right then and there, it engages a more primal, dirty thought process than normal.
This is a good frame of mind to start thinking like a villain. After a few days of this I think I'll be ready for more villainous cerebral endeavors. I've already decided that in a gladiatorial arena I would be engaging in a LOT of dirty fighting. I mean eye gouges, tossed dirt, and nut shots all day...
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Or, in my case, a single thought.